Why Oldest is Best

I often answer the question: "Who's life is like this?"

This, from my youngest sister, still in the throws of dirty diapers and sleep deprivation.

And from the middle sister: "Ohhh, that sounds like it would be SO wonderful and relaxing." When talking about massages vs. chiropractic visits. (I mean, really, for almost the same money, you can smell like lavender essential oils and become one with a mattress and feel like a whole new noodle compared with a chiropracter who snaps you in two and sends you on your way)!

I'm relishing my wrinkles and older (than my sister's) age at the present moment. All the challenges of young motherhood, while wonderful and rewarding, are mostly a thing of the past.

I suppose this is the part of the circle -- where your children clean the house when they can't sleep and you are out on a rare date; where they clear the table without asking; when they fold the laundry willingly just for a surprise.

The difficulties of motherhood seem to be: why are you outgrowing your too-expensive jeans so fast? why don't you turn on that cell phone we bought you so we can communicate with you when your not home? would you please go to sleep before midnight? And...that will be $66 for all 3 pedicures. Cuz when you get older, they want to come along and what used to be an affordable treat becomes something costly to share with your daughters!

Ahh...well. Small price to pay -- since I've already paid with sleepless nights, hospital visits, colic, potty-training, and spit-up parfum! Now it's mean girls, left-off party invites, will I make the cut soccer try-outs, and more.

So while I may not be young and beautiful and I wear a few more wrinkles than I would care for -- I'm definitely better rested and more relaxed. And life is good.

A Sign of (Good) Things to Come?

One: Phone calls confirming shopping lists have been completed by personal shopper.

Two: Another phone call asking preference on dinner selection for tomorrow.

Could this be a sign of relaxation to come?

Meals being served? Dishes being washed? Long walks undisturbed by invasive thoughts of things to get done?

Pedicures?

Foot massages?

Sleeping in?

Dates out with my husband?

I know I'm dreaming...but if only 2 of these things come true it'll be great. Dreamy.

Vacation. There's nothing better.

Gobble Gobble Gobble

SEE -- Hayden's "special" Thanksgiving feast. His poor teacher kept asking him "Hayden, is that all you want?" However, I will say, my special, store-bought Harvest cookies (that looked festive and lovely on the Thanksgiving platter) were the one item that was completely gobbled up by the Native Americans and Pilgrams at the feast. Do I know my history or what? All the other parents took their stuffing back home.


Feasting table -- my Native American heads the table -- in case he needs to make a quick getaway on the off chance someone is going to force-feed him a grape or bite of stuffing. At least when the teacher started the rounds of "What are you thankful for this Thanksgiving?" -- Hayden went first and answered dutifully: "My Mom". Ahhh....(I paid him later!)

And for the entertainment...tilt your head. (Sorry, I tried)!

See -- I don't even know how to flip it so you can see it -- it's the right direction in my Picasa. Boy, what a show. Hayden trying to smile for me half the time, and caught the last phrase -- out loud -- for the camera. Oh well. Hayden is NOT my public performer. He was in the back with Mr. Troublemaker -- his best buddy. HOWEVER...this is SERIOUS improvement from the past. He actually DID perform in public, with a group, and wore a costume, including the hat! Now, it didn't stay on long, but he did make it through all 3 songs. Still, this was the longest 60 minutes of my life. 17 parents in there...apparently only 3 can help. I'm grateful for helpful people this Thanksgiving...all 3 of them!

Count your blessings this holiday...we have much to be grateful for.

Friday, Bloody Friday

Okay, okay. It's Sunday, Bloody Sunday (U2), if you know the song. If not, click here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fd1mKaxN6EY. (If you're clicking...you are either too young or too old...ha...I got almost everyone in one fell swoop!)

Anyhoo -- tomorrow is Friday -- which means (you should know this by now) -- I work in the kindergarten classroom! The down side of working on Friday's is you get stuck with all the parties and holiday celebrations. I know I should be grateful I still attend a school in which we are still allowed to celebrate said holidays and bring in home-baked goods (NOT that I would bake when I can buy!!!). Still, tomorrow presents itself as the dreaded Thanksgiving feast.

Why dread, you ask? For one thing, I have a son who hates most food. Last night at the dinner table Hayden said:

"Mom, can I pleeeease be absent from my Feast on Friday?"

Curious, but almost knowing the answer ahead of time, I inquired as to why? He was in no mood to put his finger on it publicly, but I said we'd chat later. All presumptions were correct.

So it may not even be the kids that irritate me so much as the mom's. I'm the queen of Frumpstein, but those ladies make me look like Denise Austin, perky, "fit" (and that is a term being used LOOSELY), and fashionable! My jeans don't come up to my 3rd rib; I speak in complete sentences, and I've cleaned the wax out of my ears for the occasion and decided to not speak of my latest method of contraception at the kindergarten Thanksgiving Feast. (I know this cuz I've been to the Halloween party. Heaven help me)! And no, I haven't sent in yet another video application for next season's "The Biggest Loser".

(BTW -- my mom actually thought I was just being mean making fun of people and calling them "Big Losers" and putting them on tv. OMG! She knows me well!) (C'mon -- I'm KIDDING! My mom lives under a rock...love you, Mom)!

Anyway, enough of my superiority kick. Basically, I'm just dreading the anxiety Hayden is going to feel when he sees sliced turkey and cheese cubes. Thank goodness he has a wonderful mother that is providing him some caloric relaxation: Store-bought sugar cookies, orange frosting, and harvest sprinkles. Please, no applause. I'm good.

The Misfit Elf

I know, I know. Turkey hasn't even been served! But I know once we walk into Mom's house...all will be right with the world. Hot rolls in the oven, pumpkin pie cooling on the counter, stuffing...oh endless stuffing...

But then...it will be time. We've washed the dishes, we've made our lists. And I want the mood to be set the MINUTE I walk back in through my door.

I want Santa to know I'm ready for him any time.

I'll light some candles, turn on some Christmas Carols...

Have Christmas Dinner Parties and make Gingerbread Houses...

And welcome everyone in for some holiday cheer.

The tree isn't up yet...but just you wait. This elf isn't done yet!

I LOVE CHRISTMAS!!! HO HO HO!

FHE at our House

First, you have to read the heart-wrenching, introspective, humanizing story posted by my sister at: http://www.dailygrapefruit.blogspot.com/. This should demonstrate some stark contrasts in our families and our personalities!

Having had a PTC (parent teacher conference) earlier in the day for my kindergartner son, I'm well aware of how much work there is to be done...by California standards, that is. As I've mentioned before, he's not at the bottom, just comfortably somewhere in the middle. Still, there is an obvious competitive side to this parent, so I strap on my boots and get ready to TEACH MY SON, DARN IT!

Near the end of dinner I say to Lindsay: Got get Chutes & Ladders and Candyland. My husband looks at me with pleading eyes..."Yes, dear, we're having Family Game Night. Hayden is going to practice his numbers." A resigned father pulls up his chair.

If you haven't played Chutes and Ladders with a 5-year old, then you should. I don't know a 5-year old on the planet that likes to lose, and certainly, my son isn't one of them. In fact, he has a partner in crime. A 47-year old who conveniently stops the spinner on that magical number that will take them from number 22 to 84 in one ladder if it stops on a "4". Bingo! No problem.

I shake my head at my husband for cheating, and BLATANTLY! Maybe not a FHE principal we meant to teach this evening. Then I see Hayden eyeing a ladder. He needed a 4; he spun a 5.

Counting: One, two, three, FIVE!!!!! Yes!

Boy, that cheating didn't take long! He picked that right up. Way to go, Pops! Guess who won that one?

Then Candyland. The other game lasted into eternity so we were ready to move on. Hayden quickly "double-red" jumped with a final "purple" draw to make his way to the Candyland Castle where again, he was annointed Winner! That was quick. One last game. In no time flat, AGAIN, Hayden beat us all to the castle.

So let's evaluate what we've learned here: Cheating leads to victory; Winning IS Everything; NOT learning how to be a gracious loser (never had that opportunity); and GLOATING is absolutely appropriate.

Absolutely humbling. For that variety of post, again please see The Daily Grapefruit or http://raisingamazingchildren.blogspot.com//.

For the other variety of misguided steps and failed attempts at teaching a lesson and laughable parenting, continue reading for your pleasure! Trust me, it'll make you feel better about yourself in no time!

Toof-less

All I want for Christmas is...(dee dee da, dee dee da...)


...well...he did lose his first tooth, anyway!

Sitting at church, I get a tap on the shoulder from my daughter:

Hayden has a loose tooth!

So much excitement. Then blood. Wow, we went from knowing we have a loose tooth to it may come out any moment.

The drama begins. "I need a drink." "My mouth really hurts." "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh."

I warned his Sunday School teacher that Hayden was close to giving birth, or at least acting like it and to prepare herself for some slight exaggeration. (I have NO idea where he gets it from?!) Verifying she was equipped with Kleenex, I left, trusting the tooth was secure.

Dinner. Biting into a banana, a look of dismay comes over his face. "Thawt hooourt." (translation with food in his mouth: That hurt.) The blood is now on the remainder of the banana. One second later, Hayden laid the tooth on the table and said: "I almost swallowed it."

Naturally, with dinner table manners in hand, Dave says: "Well, it's good you didn't or the tooth fairy would have had to find it in your poop!" Yes, lovely, I know! Hayden's shock from losing a tooth immediately turned to laughter and silliness. (Cuz when is Poop NOT funny? Ugh.)

I'm glad I get to be a tooth fairy instead of a poop fairy. I have had that job enough times in my life (and maybe even once when Becca lived with us). I try to block it out...bring on the tooth fairy dust!

Time to fly...

Sunday Smiles

Some Sunday's are sunnier than others...these smiles don't hurt!

Hayden

Mallory

Lindsay

Remember the 80's?

SO DO WE!!!!!!! It takes us back to the dating days -- all we can do is laugh! And I can hear you laughing from here! Eat your heart out, Pat Benetar!

Diggin' the earring?


That hair took forever!


Is this the same person teaching Relief Society on Sunday?

This was always a cool move! Oh yeah.

NO PRIDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm over it.

Gooey Birthday

Every year it takes forever...catching up to Lindsay's classmates age just before they turn a year older...again. Ahhh, well. Here was her request for a birthday classroom treat.


Ooohey, gooey, buttery treats. First this...


Then this...


Finally...ready for the classroom! The teacher should thank me. Much less mess than cupcakes!


Birthday girl getting ready to divvy up treats, feeling a little embarrassed as the teacher says: "Now let's sing to Lindsay!" And...from the sound of it, you would never know any of these kids have had a homemade rice krispy treat. Homemade...nothing quite compares!

Also, having made 4 batches of rice krispy treats, I decided I might as well get dinner going, also. Today is already crazy busy!

Turkey chili in the crock pot, 40 rice krispy treats made, laundry is folded and another load going, blogs are posted, kitchen is cleaned, went grocery shopping...all before 9:30 am.

What have you done today? Doesn't matter...I need a nap! Happy Birthday Lindsay!

Quote of the Day

Hayden looked at his Dad last night, grabbed both his cheeks, looked him square in the eye and said:

"Dad, you are a hard man to read."

Where on Earth do they pick up these things!?!

A Little Romance

I'm startled this morning by a tickle on my nose. Actually, it's fragrant and soft. It's the touch of a rose petal awakening my senses. Then I see my husband turning on the tv to my my favorite gardening show. He turns around and tells me softly to sit up. He has a surprise. I'm still a little groggy and too tired and shocked to disobey, so I follow directions as he helps me prop up the pillows. I rub the sleepies from my eyes and he sets a tray on my lap with the rose lying across the top. There sits my favorite cinnamon-nut pastry-like croissant and fresh-squeezed orange juice.

WOW! I am shocked and amazed. There is a little daylight coming through the blinds and he says "I'll get the kids ready for school." Yum, and I'm not just talking about the food! I comfortably settle in and take my first bite. Butter. Cinnamon. Delish!

I hear the shuffling of kids getting dressed and thumping down the stairs to inhale some cereal and get to their early morning drop-off's and before-school meetings for Mallory. Preparation of things to come...seminary. I wiggle my toes and enjoy the warmth of my bed. And then...SUDDENLY...

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

The alarm goes off. (Actually, it didn't but...You couldn't have thought any of that was for real!)

I'm just wishing, trying to keep up with you girls that have your husbands home in the morning. I wonder what that is like? Actually the day started like this:

My bladder woke me up shortly after Dave left. I ignored it having an argument with my bladder that went something like this:

Me: I'm not getting up til the alarm goes off at 6:35 am.
Bladder: Okay, but you just washed the sheets. Good luck with that.

I tossed and turned fighting the urge, hoping the news I'd turned on would distract. Given a few minutes, the bladder won. I turned off the alarm before it even had a chance to go off. I woke up the girls and told them the clock was ticking. I snuggled my face up to Hayden's, warm and soft, and said "Hi, buddy." He said: "Where's my morning hug, Mom?"

I threw in a load of laundry, hustled downstairs to make lunches. Got out the milk for the girls to have cereal and hollared at Hayden to hurry up and get downstairs --we have 5 minutes til we have to get in the car! (The tender moment was over, after all.) Mallory says: "Mom, we need to leave in 5 minutes." Me: "Okay dear, we'll be ready." She would even put the fear in Grandma McConochie about being on time. Anyway, 7 minutes later: "Mallory, we're going to be late." "I know," she says choking back the stress." These new braces are a little tricky for a perfectionist.

SO, truly, nothing against my hubby -- he's great, works hard, and doesn't get mad at me for living the good life. In fact, he's an enabler, and that's what I love about it him! We laugh all the time. And in that, there is romance, even if there aren't many roses, there are many flowers in the garden.

All is well. I just polished off my Fiber One with half a banana and my laundry is ready to go in the dryer. Another exciting day in the life...

Saturday Morning Pile-Up

Just missing Mallory & the Cat!

Sybil

Okay -- so try to stay with me here. I haven't posted a blog in a few days but I've had a lot of random thoughts. Not unlike me, really, just throwing the warning out there. Becca calls me saying: "I'm waiting!" and yet, I don't always have anything congruent to say on one subject. My kids aren't so little anymore and my inner voices are getting the best of me. Hold on...the dam has broken. I mean d--:

For instance -- I'm alone a lot during the day which allows me time to have wandering thoughts and get pedicures and facials, which now, everybody is well aware of (including my husband). Here's a sampling of some of my random thoughts this week:

1) In trying to lose 15 lbs this week (actually the last 3 days) by Saturday for our family portraits, I decided to give the "Simplicity" (Reliv shakes) Mom talked me into buying 4 months ago (at least) to help "this nice lady out who's really struggling". (I'd settle for losing at least one chin by then, but don't see that happening either). Feeling the clock tick, I thought I better find my blender and the cupboard I buried the powder in and give it a try. Desperate times; desperate measures. It's actually pretty good, if you don't mind a meal replacement every day for the rest of your life. Talk about torture. And frankly, the name Simplicity kind of agitates me. Simplicity, my bu--! (That was for you, Liz)! There is nothing simple about losing weight. It's about deprivation, mammoth self control, and playing tricks on your mind and being hungry all the while wearing a smile watching other people eat things you wish you could eat (and were eating in the closet or lunches alone just days ago) acting like you are loving the weight loss process. Nope. Nothing simple at all about it. Unless you are my mother. Then you just sing your way right through it having not one, but two shakes a day. ("I lost 5 pounds the first week!) (To mom: "I gained 5 lbs just at lunch today!) I think we all know by now I take more after Dad.

2) Running. One of my favorite activities has fallen by the way side through the summer and into the school year. I'm blaming my 15 pounds on this...and eating too much. (At least I'm honest!) So I think I've figured out a solution as the time frame was the thing throwing my whole running off course. (That, motivation, and laziness.) I now sneak it in before Lindsay gets picked up for school and the 30 minutes til I have to take Mal. It's worked fabulously for 2 days. (They say it takes 3 weeks for a habit to form. Check back in 19 days)...

3) Obama. Small business. We should be drowning soon. We should be broke. Headache. Hyperventilation. Sleep deprivation. Obama. 9/11 anyone? Taxes. Small business. Doom. To husband: "I mean, will you have work 2 weeks from now? I just don't know -- we could be dead in the water." Response from husband: "It's been this way since Day 1. Today is no different." Not sure that is helping. Anxiety. Stress! They say stress makes you fat. It's not the food -- it's stress! Total relief. It's not my fault, it's Obama's! I wonder if he'll have a government backed publicly implemented/paid for weight-loss plan, complete with pills, personal trainers, and personal phone calls from Oprah.

4) In trying to become lower-maintenance, I've decided to wear my hair a little darker. Can't decide if I like it or not. I'm sure it's not close to my original color -- I wouldn't know. But I can't quite seem to adjust to the darkness. But I'm getting older, and I'm not sure I can do the Baywatch haircolor look any longer. Or maybe it's the fact that I'm not so Baywatch in a red speedo. Huh. Food for thought.

5) Family Portraits. What do I love more than this family? Absolutely nothing. So shouldn't I be SO excited about getting another wonderful portrait done? Why is the whole outfit-picking thing so hard? If it's going to hang on the wall -- it should be put together with some thought -- but I'm not sure I'm going to pull this out of the hat for less than $200. And that's just for the clothes. Since the kids are older...they don't want to match. NOT COOL. So trying to find stuff -- it's a chore. Since I can't wear running shorts, this has definitely been a process. Excited to have it done, pray they turn out, and hopefully the color choices will pay off.

6) Is my child a brainiac or a total tard? Or somewhere in between? I'm fine with the middle, but someone throw me some info. Hayden's teacher acts like these are all state secrets, but after working in the classroom for nearly 3 months, I'm pretty sure I can guess who the doh-doh's are and which parents are failing in the attention-giving category. AND -- by the shear fact that some kids are ready to move onto "Harry Potter" books, I'm guessing they are the better readers. Finally, today, a bone. There is only one volunteer parent who tests the kids on reading and word cards. (Again, this is to control federal secrets and parental gossip and comparison-talking. Lame. How else am I supposed to know where we fall? So un-PC, I know.) I mention to this said-parent that Hayden just couldn't get "me" on his flashcards. He gets: we, be, he, see, etc., but not me. Now even with the cutesy (sing-it) M-E, me-ee-ee, with the finger-actions. "Oh, but he's doing great. He gets new flashcards all the time and new books." Ahh, finally. Some info. We're not in the cess-pool of failing parents (heaven knows I'm cross-eyed from flipping flash cards). Now, I'm sure we're not at the top of the pyramid - but I'm happy with the middle or even 4th from the bottom. Just so we're not the bottom. The teacher will probably not gnash her teeth come conference time. I'm already a little scared of her and I've never been afraid of a Kindergarten teacher before. Phew!

7) Finally, this morning while Hayden was reading me his book and practicing the beloved flashcards, he cuddled up to me and said: "Mom, I love you the best." It's nice to know, that despite all my quirks and insecurities, it's good enough for him. (Dad didn't enjoy that story quite as much as me, but I enjoyed telling it to him!)

Well, that is enough for one day. You all need prescription drugs from reading this, I'm sure! Now, where to go for dinner...?

You know you're getting old when...

...you get excited about getting a new vacuum cleaner -- or grumpy when the old one breaks. I mean, all the things I could do with $300! Somebody stop the bleeding...October has been a record bank-account breaking month between the birthday party, the life-saving vet stay for Annie, and now the vacuum. I'm going to have to skip my pedicure this month! Torture. Thank goodness it's cooler and these scrappy toes are wrapped in socks most days.

So last night at the dinner table I mention to Dave that it's been over a week and I'd be embarassed to open my front door to people as the house desperately needs a vacuum. I mean, we have 5 people living here not to mention 2 pets, one of which is a big white fur ball who barfs on a regular basis. (No, I'm not talking about Dave...he's a black fur ball...and house-trained, for the most part.)

I was at the mall yesterday, but in no mood to shop for a vacuum cleaner. I knew no matter what I would have purchased would have been inadequate or wrong, so I knew it was a task better left for my husband.

Off to Sears he goes...alone. This is clearly a job for a man on a mission. I beg him not to spend too much, and while I want and need one, I don't get to wear it, so let's keep things in perspective. But to him, it's a machine. It makes noise. It has gadgets.

The part where you really know you're old: Trying to get motivated to vacuum the house because you KNOW you're going to break into an all-out sweat as this is exercise for this old lady! No soup cans required here, Liz. Just a big ole house to vacuum.

Calories burned? Hmmm...we'll see if I can get through it without snacking.

Day of Beauty

Today was an all out day. All kinds of things to make the already beautiful even more stunning!

Here's Mallory displaying her new "braces" only hours old She is wearing Invisalign -- new age braces, if you will. You can hardly see anything on her teeth -- they just look shinier (like clear retainers)! She is the envy of all her friends who have the silver "brace-face" kind -- which work just as well but hurt more if a soccer ball slams into your mouth! We're excited to see straighter teeth soon for an even more beautiful smile!


Here's Mallory getting her hair high-lighted. We're just washing out the color to see the new blonde highlights to brighten up a dreary winter. She's had a rough day -- getting braces, lunching with Mom, grabbing a hot chocolate to warm up with in the rain and running to the hair salon. After a "soft" dinner (for sore teeth -- there is a price to beauty, after all), she went to indoor soccer practice due to the rain and had a ball! "So much more fun than regular practice!"


Even Hayden got in on the action. We love seeing Hayden enjoy a haircut compared to vomiting his way through it like he used to! It's SO much fun to listen to him instruct the hairdresser:
Megan: How do you like me to cut it, Hayden?
H: I like it smoooooooth. (No hairs can be sticking up anywhere!)

Partway through the haircut: "Are you almost done? Cuz if you are then we can go home soon."
Another few minutes later while she's cutting: "Are you going to smooth down that hair that's sticking up? Hey, that hurt me. Be careful." I'm not sure who has to survive more, Hayden or Megan, the hairdresser!

Real Beauty:

Celebrating Grandma Erl's 83rd birthday last Saturday night! Isn't she lovely? And she has a heart of gold. Thank goodness all the girls (and boys!) in this family have her as a real example of all things beautiful, inside and out!

Feeling the Love

So I log on and read my sister's blogs every day. I go to post a comment and sometimes I gander at the sweet and touching words from a husband to his wife.

Lane often posts compliments to Liz about what a great mom she is and how lucky the children are to have a mom like her. (Now I'm not disagreeing AT ALL, but c'mon, you're making the rest of us look inadequate!)

Becca writes posts in honor of Matt, praising the U and slamming the Y all in the name of love. She shares love stories and photo's depicting their love affair, and all the sweet things Matt does for her. (Feigning the trots just to go back and buy her a sweater!)

All so romantic.

As I was sharing your posts (and some of my sardonic responses) with my husband tonight, I thought it might be a loving hint if I read him some of this stuff. I said things like: "Listen to what Lane wrote about this one!"

"Or look how Matt drove to this place just so Becca could take photos."

Here's what I got:

"Oh, and by the way, while you were dropping the girls at soccer, they called to confirm your FACIAL tomorrow and are bumping you back 15 minutes. WHAT'S THAT GONNA COST ME!?!" (My response, BTW, was don't worry, just the tip, I pre-paid the facial a long time ago! Pause: That didn't seem to help. AND...she was supposed to call me on my cell phone!!!)

Yup, feeling the love. All different kinds. Was hoping to sample some of yours, but it looks like the same old for me tonight!

And in case your wondering, NO, I did not cancel the appointment. I stand by this: It's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission.

And so it goes...

Incredible Hulk

This weekend we watched "The Incredible Hulk". 2 weeks ago, it was Ironman. But even Lindsay watched Hulk. And definitely Hayden.

Hayden just asked:

"Mom? Tomorrow can we play Incredible Hulk? I mean, not on the Wii, or Playstation, or computer, but just play it, you and me?"

I can hardly wait! (Anything to unplug my son!)

Could this be the end of Indiana Jones? I sure hope not. I enjoyed the theme music much more from that series!