Sybil

Okay -- so try to stay with me here. I haven't posted a blog in a few days but I've had a lot of random thoughts. Not unlike me, really, just throwing the warning out there. Becca calls me saying: "I'm waiting!" and yet, I don't always have anything congruent to say on one subject. My kids aren't so little anymore and my inner voices are getting the best of me. Hold on...the dam has broken. I mean d--:

For instance -- I'm alone a lot during the day which allows me time to have wandering thoughts and get pedicures and facials, which now, everybody is well aware of (including my husband). Here's a sampling of some of my random thoughts this week:

1) In trying to lose 15 lbs this week (actually the last 3 days) by Saturday for our family portraits, I decided to give the "Simplicity" (Reliv shakes) Mom talked me into buying 4 months ago (at least) to help "this nice lady out who's really struggling". (I'd settle for losing at least one chin by then, but don't see that happening either). Feeling the clock tick, I thought I better find my blender and the cupboard I buried the powder in and give it a try. Desperate times; desperate measures. It's actually pretty good, if you don't mind a meal replacement every day for the rest of your life. Talk about torture. And frankly, the name Simplicity kind of agitates me. Simplicity, my bu--! (That was for you, Liz)! There is nothing simple about losing weight. It's about deprivation, mammoth self control, and playing tricks on your mind and being hungry all the while wearing a smile watching other people eat things you wish you could eat (and were eating in the closet or lunches alone just days ago) acting like you are loving the weight loss process. Nope. Nothing simple at all about it. Unless you are my mother. Then you just sing your way right through it having not one, but two shakes a day. ("I lost 5 pounds the first week!) (To mom: "I gained 5 lbs just at lunch today!) I think we all know by now I take more after Dad.

2) Running. One of my favorite activities has fallen by the way side through the summer and into the school year. I'm blaming my 15 pounds on this...and eating too much. (At least I'm honest!) So I think I've figured out a solution as the time frame was the thing throwing my whole running off course. (That, motivation, and laziness.) I now sneak it in before Lindsay gets picked up for school and the 30 minutes til I have to take Mal. It's worked fabulously for 2 days. (They say it takes 3 weeks for a habit to form. Check back in 19 days)...

3) Obama. Small business. We should be drowning soon. We should be broke. Headache. Hyperventilation. Sleep deprivation. Obama. 9/11 anyone? Taxes. Small business. Doom. To husband: "I mean, will you have work 2 weeks from now? I just don't know -- we could be dead in the water." Response from husband: "It's been this way since Day 1. Today is no different." Not sure that is helping. Anxiety. Stress! They say stress makes you fat. It's not the food -- it's stress! Total relief. It's not my fault, it's Obama's! I wonder if he'll have a government backed publicly implemented/paid for weight-loss plan, complete with pills, personal trainers, and personal phone calls from Oprah.

4) In trying to become lower-maintenance, I've decided to wear my hair a little darker. Can't decide if I like it or not. I'm sure it's not close to my original color -- I wouldn't know. But I can't quite seem to adjust to the darkness. But I'm getting older, and I'm not sure I can do the Baywatch haircolor look any longer. Or maybe it's the fact that I'm not so Baywatch in a red speedo. Huh. Food for thought.

5) Family Portraits. What do I love more than this family? Absolutely nothing. So shouldn't I be SO excited about getting another wonderful portrait done? Why is the whole outfit-picking thing so hard? If it's going to hang on the wall -- it should be put together with some thought -- but I'm not sure I'm going to pull this out of the hat for less than $200. And that's just for the clothes. Since the kids are older...they don't want to match. NOT COOL. So trying to find stuff -- it's a chore. Since I can't wear running shorts, this has definitely been a process. Excited to have it done, pray they turn out, and hopefully the color choices will pay off.

6) Is my child a brainiac or a total tard? Or somewhere in between? I'm fine with the middle, but someone throw me some info. Hayden's teacher acts like these are all state secrets, but after working in the classroom for nearly 3 months, I'm pretty sure I can guess who the doh-doh's are and which parents are failing in the attention-giving category. AND -- by the shear fact that some kids are ready to move onto "Harry Potter" books, I'm guessing they are the better readers. Finally, today, a bone. There is only one volunteer parent who tests the kids on reading and word cards. (Again, this is to control federal secrets and parental gossip and comparison-talking. Lame. How else am I supposed to know where we fall? So un-PC, I know.) I mention to this said-parent that Hayden just couldn't get "me" on his flashcards. He gets: we, be, he, see, etc., but not me. Now even with the cutesy (sing-it) M-E, me-ee-ee, with the finger-actions. "Oh, but he's doing great. He gets new flashcards all the time and new books." Ahh, finally. Some info. We're not in the cess-pool of failing parents (heaven knows I'm cross-eyed from flipping flash cards). Now, I'm sure we're not at the top of the pyramid - but I'm happy with the middle or even 4th from the bottom. Just so we're not the bottom. The teacher will probably not gnash her teeth come conference time. I'm already a little scared of her and I've never been afraid of a Kindergarten teacher before. Phew!

7) Finally, this morning while Hayden was reading me his book and practicing the beloved flashcards, he cuddled up to me and said: "Mom, I love you the best." It's nice to know, that despite all my quirks and insecurities, it's good enough for him. (Dad didn't enjoy that story quite as much as me, but I enjoyed telling it to him!)

Well, that is enough for one day. You all need prescription drugs from reading this, I'm sure! Now, where to go for dinner...?