I'm an over-thinker. I'm sure regular headaches come from over-analyzing everything in my life. Even things like...I've given a lesson in church. Did I offend anyone? What did I say? Did I cover that enough? Did I even make my point? I'm sure at this point no one is even thinking about that and they are onto making cookies on a rainy Sunday afternoon and taking naps. And so it goes. I am Wemberly. (You'll have to search Kevin Henkes "WemberlyWorried" on Amazon.com if you don't know that one. It's about me.)
I was contemplating yesterday, as I have many times before, why I have extra tonnage and my sisters do not. I'm like an elephant seal compared to them...prepared at any time to live in artic waters. (To be fair, I'm not, shhh...I'm gonna say it...fat. Just 2 sizes larger than my closet tells me I need to be if I ever hope to wear my wardrobe again). I've been thin before, but it's not like I didn't work 24/7 for it. Apparently I got tired, sick or went on vacation and forgot all about the work involved. And then it just tasted good. Grapefruit always defends (as Liz has previously): "I"m nursing. I get 500 extra calories per day." My response: "Your child is 3. You are not nursing any more. Nice try." It's nice to be loved, but we should all read the cards that are dealt, here.
Grapefruit goes into detail about the meals she's prepared, photographed, and eaten; meanwhile, I mention I had a microwaveable Kashi frozen dinner stock-piled with fiber and a platter of steamed broccoli for dessert. It's just not fair. Hanging out with Liz, she eats 3 slices of an orange and says: "Whew, I just can't eat anymore! But that was delicious!" Meanwhile, I'm in her pantry on my hands and knees searching for the bag the oranges came in.
I know some of you can relate, but I'm starting to think it's a serious medical issue. "I MUST have a thyroid problem!" I emphatically suggest.
Grapefruit: "You do NOT have a thyroid problem. I've had one, and you do not."
FG: "I'm sure I do. What other explanation could there be?"
Grapefruit: "Then go get it tested."
FG: "That is SO embarrassing. I could never. I just want the doctor to SUGGEST it out of the blue as a perfectly reasonable explanation for the difference in our genetic code."
Grapefruit: You do not have a thyroid problem.
FG: "Whatever. It worked for Oprah. She's chubbier than ever -- but she has money for a cute wardrobe and hair people. I'm not as lucky."
Then the lovefest between Grapefruit and her hubby continued to ensue in the background...end of conversation. Liz offers kinder, gentler words: "You look great! What are you talking about?!" Ever the optimist, it makes me sick...and then hungry.
I will continue to fight the good fight. I feel confident that my insides are healthier than their insides. And everyone always says it's what's inside that matters!
9 comments:
First of all, laughing really hard with bronchitis is NOT helpful. Thanks for that. Second of all, insides are what count. Are you kidding me? I wouldn't last five seconds in boot camp. I'd be curled up in a ball crying and begging for a Twix.
And the comment about you searching for the bag the oranges came in? Classic Fairy Godmother.
I feel your pain. And I really enjoy the exchanges between you and your sisters. :)
By the way, I just sent them the notes that I took last Sunday at our visiting teaching conference. If you'd like a copy, I could e-mail them to you as well. Also, if you'd like an invitation to any of my blogs, I can send you those too. Just let me know. No pressure. My e-mail address is w (dot) jagerson (at) yahoo (dot) com.
Okay, it's official. I'm leading a parallel life and my other name is Fairy Godmother.
Exhibit A: I have 3 copies of Wemberly Worried (seriously)
Exhibit B: I AM Wemberly Worried (why do you think I removed some previous comments from your posts: "What if I offended someone by saying ........ - I'd better take it off - I wonder who saw it before I took it off. Oh my gosh, should I address this on my blog, no better to just leave it alone, I don't know, maybe I should explain" (and thus it goes - on and on and on......)
Exhibit C: I literally went to the Dr. to have my thyroid checked. My mom and my sister both have thyroid problems so I just KNEW that's why it alway looked like somebody was following me around. Guess what, no thyroid problem. Nope, not a thing. Maybe I should get a 2nd opinion. I've finally come to embrace my fatness, love it, wallow in it if you will. Free at last!!
(P.S., How about "Lilly and the Purple Plastic Purse." I'm also the role model for "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie")
I sooooooo know what you mean. I am the "solid" sister in my family. Even my 60-something mother is smaller than I am. But, I am me. And that is a good thing. I love to laugh. You make me laugh--thank you. My insides are super-hot!
What are you talking about? You always look terrific even before your nail and hair jobs. I can relate about certain curves in certain places, though, that I wish would go away on my outsides, and I hope my insides are as good as yours!
What's genetic is your worrying.
Hmmm, where did that come from?
Love, LoVe, LOVE your new blog template! So cute!! :)
oh, I am laughing, laughing, laughing! What you didn't say about the pantry is that you can't find anything to eat in it, just like Mom's!
You have a such a gift for humor. You ARE beautiful! And you are NOT fat. Just because you weigh more than you want does NOT equate fat. Sarah says, "Muscle weighs more than fat. Tell her that!"
I say if you want to go get tested for thyroid issues, go do it!
hahahahaha! grapefruit preparing, photographing, and eating gourmet meals! i snorted through my nose i laughed so hard on that one.
i think extra weight is an older sister think. i've always struggled with my weight, but my younger sister is thin, tall, and fabulous. there's gotta be a connection between our over analyzing everything and being everyone's mother and not shedding pounds. that's my theory anyway...
OK...you don't know me but I am a friend of Liz and you have her right on! I am with you sista! Maybe you and I were separated at birth and Liz and my sister are really related.
PS: I read your blog by way of Liz. Am not a convict or anything I could just relate to your blog.
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