You're the Bad Guy

It always starts off like this:

Hayden: You're the bad guy.
Mom: Who are you?

H: The good guy!
M: Are you a knight?

H: Yes.
M: Who am I?

H: Don't you remember? You are the bad guy from that movie with the talking beaver?
M: Ohhhh, that guy. (No clue, but maybe he's referring to the Princess Bride?)

He has a shield and the sword, complete with holster, shoved down the leg of one side of his pants. I have the flimsy Peter Pan sword that is going to snap in two at any moment. I know this because I've purchased several in this child's lifetime as replacements. It's my excuse to get Dave BACK to Disneyland to purchase more swords.

After several minutes of sword fighting I aim my sword and swipe the back of the "good guy's" knees and say: You're bleeding.

H: No, I'm not.
M: Yes, you are. I got you.
H: No, you hit this (sword holster, at least 6 inches away from point of contact).
M: I don't think so.
H: Uh-huh-uhhhhhhhhhhh.

Play on. Lots of skilled sword-fighting and laughter. The more times we connect swords, the harder Hayden laughs.

(Of course, you can always substitute this scenario with various weapons and characters for the same thing later that same day: "Mom, you have the red light saber, I have the blue. You are Darth Mal with 3 lives. I am Luke Skywalker and I have 8 lives." Yup. Sounds fair to me).

Finally, I check the time and realize I need to feed lunch to the good guy and get ready for school. I must die or none of this will happen. Luckily, this morning, I have not been given a number of lives; therefore, I'm assuming I can fully die the first time and get out of it.

He stabs me in the gut. I die, slowly, on the ground and thrust my sword at the good guy. It does not touch him. Still, there are rules I don't understand.

H: We both die.
M: Wondering to herself...but I didn't touch you?!

Hayden drops his weapons and slowly dies. I now realize, this child is NOT a soccer player. He is a future fencer. (Do they still do that?).

On guard!